Febuary 14th
by shadowfire
Summary: Feb. 14th, the most pathetic day in the world for all who are alone...the desire to end that pain


"So basically your entire date consists of you, Daisuke, and a couch?" I give my sister the look and she blushes under my gaze, pushing the chair to spin to the other side so she doesn't have to look at me. 

"Yeah…" she squeaks and a smirk is brought to my face, as I cross the bedroom we share, grabbing the back of the chair to spin it towards me. Rika is cowering, burrowing her head into her knees, and I flick her ear to get her to look me straight in the eye.

" Make sure there are pillows on the end of Daisuke's couch in case you get sick of making-out…" I suggest freely, rising an eyebrow, letting her mind wander. She doesn't say what she thinks I am saying, but then again, she lacked subtly in all areas of life. It was always blunt…free flowing.

"I will…" she smiles up at me, and she hands me the hairbrush. I go behind her and begin to comb through her shoulder length red hair, my goal, making it gleam and have not a single knot or tangle in it. Just pure smoothness, she deserved to feel nice.

"What are you wearing?" I ask her, as she turns around in the chair, so I can apply her make-up. I get out the mascara and she lowers her lashes so I can apply it to the backside.

"You know your red halter dress…I was planning on wearing that, if it is okay with you." She opens her eyes wide, making them as big as possible so I can get the underside of them, to make them stand up to full effect.

"Don't wear it. It's too easy to molest you in it. Wear the fuzzy red t-shirt, and white jeans. He'll appreciate the softness of it…" My voice is beginning to dull, and I wonder if she can hear the automatic monotone. She doesn't for I curl her eyelashes, making sure they didn't stick together, and she keeps on smiling. Today is special for her and I don't want to wreck it for her. 

"True, I guess…" she mutters, pouting her lips. I paint some color on her lips then cover it with some cherry flavored lip balm. " But I don't want to get them dirty…"

"Then wear mine, they will be looser on you, and they wash out easily…" A simple suggestion and she nods, running down the hall to the dryer to check for them.

Valentine's Day, the most pathetic day of the year. A day where the little fucking couples have an excuse to proclaim their undying love for each other, buying cheesy cards or chocolate for each other, and making all of us who are alone feel inadequate since we are alone. A day where the most happiness and sadness is found, the day that I have come to dread for forever, it seems. 

My sister had gotten something I didn't…my sister was happy…while I am sad…and I can't say a single thing about it. I am happy for her, that I am, but I wish I was sitting in her shoes, having someone to be with on this damn stupid day, the most romantic day of the year. Someone who'd just love me…and make me feel special, and keep me warm.

"Risa…can you do my straps?" I hear yelling from downstairs, Rika had gone down to her room, and I trudge down the stairs where she is waiting, and I adjust her bra straps so they are tight. I make sure to put them tighter then they should so Daisuke will have some problems with it, since it had no sort of buckle, and she grins at me.

"I'm going to go, I am being driven over there, don't pout over your lack of love, you'll be fine…" she tells me, and she reads my mind though her words don't' bring me much comfort. I give her a hug goodbye as if it is the last time I see her, and our driver opens the door to the car. I can hear them speeding down the road and I sigh, sitting down by the door, locking it.

I am alone…

I have nobody

Another year goes by of not having someone to hold

And my sister beat me to it!

Those thoughts run through my head and I notice that I am crying, tears running down my cheeks. I lick them away, wrinkling my nose at the disgustingly salty taste they have, and let my body shiver. I am still in my shorts and tank top from my work out, and it's winter still. Moving is not something I really want to do though I am cold.

"Risa, are you crying?" I hear from the other room, and I look up, noting the voice came from several rooms away to the right. It's our butler and I don't' answer him, he can just come out here and see for himself.

"God damnit, you better not be. It's your own fault you don't have a date because you are wallowing in your pity. Go out and do something…and stop crying!" he yells at me, he doesn't come out of the room, and I realize that I am outdoors, my body just went out here without me making it. 

The tears are streaming harder, and it angers me that they don't' understand the pain it has to be alone. To have the one thing that means the world to you…and I walk through the snow in my slippers on the wet sidewalk, not knowing where I am going or how I would get back home or survive. I just knew I wanted to get away from them…I wanted to escape this pain I feel inside, the emptiness that fills me every day of my life.

My body landed up on the top of the library, and I can feel the wind swishing my hair around me, as I look down at the ground. It's so far down and I feel fear, yes, that I do, but I feel powerful, blood surging through my veins. I am not thinking clearly, but I realize that maybe this is what my entire life will be. Maybe I will always be alone on this day…for eternity. And I can't live with that pain of always being alone and cold, so very cold. I just want to be held. The ground looks inviting like a vortex sucking me in, and I don't want to die…but it would make a statement. How stupid this damn holiday is? How many feelings that aren't validated by the world? And the pain it will bring to my family…it would hurt them…Rika would never forgive me if I did this. But again, since she went out with Daisuke, she has been ignoring me. I feel I have lost my best friend…she doesn't understand what I go through.

It's funny that when you are in pain, you feel all the pain of the past ganging up on you, tapping you on the shoulder until you admit it and sob over it. The pain of my life rushes through me, and I see the ground as not a vortex, but a way from this hell, a gateway to heaven.

The wind circles my body, spinning and I speak, " Why are you here?" 

The person walks next to me, having just arrived, and answers me, " This place is high…" It's male, and I don't' look at him, I will give that sense of peace of me not knowing him.

"That it is…now why are you here?" I ask him again. I don't know why I am asking him, but maybe I want to show him some kindness before he dies. He deserves that much…

"I am alone…" The wind howls in my ears and I cross my arms, holding still to hold in the little warmth that I have. The snowflakes are beginning to roam over my bare body and I look at the bigness of them, the different patterns, which is engraved into them.

"No human is alone…" I answer. " Why do you want to die? What is it that is so wrong in your life?" 

"My parents hate me…they use me to get what they want. The only person who ever loved me is gone…there is nothing here left for me…"

"…That's a stupid reason to die…You will just be forgotten as one of those suicidal teenagers…you are a shame to their honor. They have real problems, not just some of the petty shit that you speak of…" It isn't me who speaks, but the side of me that is Rika, her confident, no bull shit attitude. 

"What do you know?" he growls.

I still have yet to look at him.

"Who cares if your parents don't' like you? Screw them…you didn't need them. And if someone you love leaves you, sure it hurts…but get over yourself. It's a normal part of life, move on…and find something that will make you happy…You are so consumed with the negativity that you feel for everyone else, that you can't see is that you cause it as well by letting them hurt you." 

There is a load of silence and I hear him sigh. Satoshi is breathing normally now, and he brushes his light blue bangs out of his eyes, so he can see out of his frosted over glasses. I am warm, numb from the coldness and my body has snow over it from me keeping it so still. 

"So why did you come here, Risa?" he asks.

"Just came to see the view…" I smile at him, and he grins back at me as I look up at the sky. I suddenly feel more optimistic…


End file.
